Raising kind kids: five everyday habits

The turning point of Look Up, Joy! isn't a big speech. It's a small moment: Lily falls off her bike, and Joy puts down the screen to help. That night Mom tells her, "Today you were a true friend," and shares Philippians 2:4: "You should also look out for the good of others."

Kindness like that doesn't just happen. Children learn it through everyday practice. Harvard's Making Caring Common project, which studies how to raise caring children, shares five simple tips for building empathy. Here they are, with a few family-tested ways to use them.

1. Show them what empathy looks like

Kids learn caring by being cared for and by watching how we treat others. When your child is upset, take their feelings seriously. Let them see you check on a neighbor, thank a cashier, or apologize when you are wrong. In the book, Mom and Dad stay warm and steady even while setting a firm limit. That is modeling.

2. Make caring a top priority

Making Caring Common suggests telling children, clearly and often, that being kind matters to you as much as grades or trophies. When you hear about their day, ask "Who did you help?" or "Was anyone left out?" alongside "How was the spelling test?" What we ask about tells kids what we value.

3. Practice, practice, practice

Empathy is like a muscle. Give kids real chances to use it: helping a younger sibling (like Joy's sister Daisy), making a card for someone who is sick, or holding a family meeting where every voice gets heard. The project suggests family meetings as a way for kids to practice listening and seeing other points of view.

4. Widen their circle

It's natural for kids to care about their best friends. The harder, more important step is caring about the new kid, the shy kid, or the grumpy kid. In the book, that's Brody. Encourage your child to notice someone outside their usual group and to think about how that person might feel. Jesus' story of the Good Samaritan is a great conversation starter here.

5. Help them handle big feelings

A child who is overwhelmed by anger or frustration has a hard time noticing anyone else. The project suggests teaching simple calming steps, like stopping, taking a deep breath, and counting to five. Practice when everyone is calm so the skill is ready when it's needed.

Talk about it after reading

• How did Lily feel when she fell? How did Joy know?
• What made it hard for Joy to put down the iPad?
• Who is someone we could "look out for" this week?

Kindness grows in small, ordinary moments. Celebrate them when you see them, just like Joy's mom did.

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